There’s No Such Thing As The Secret To Happy Living

As if happiness is a destination and “the secret” is the journey to it.

It’s a complicated feeling: happiness. And it’s hard to define it to myself or somebody else. If you haven’t felt it, it becomes sort of like a wavering dream you haven’t seen yet. But I often ask myself why my mind always aims to contract my understanding of happiness. Is it in freedom? Is it in traveling? Or is it in writing this article? Where is it? Seeking or aiming for happiness in moments when I most need it makes me skip a few steps. It’s all a thought process.

We’re always trying to skip ahead a few chapters to get to the good part. The part when feeling good feels good. The part when we don’t have to cut short on happiness just because the moment is over and it’s time to face reality again. The part when we don’t need or have to feel guilty about not wanting to feel the rest of it. And time is as it always does. It moves on just as effortlessly in the storm as it does in the calm. Just the perceptive and emotive sensation of it is unique for each of us. And that’s what matters.

So, coming up with the definition of happiness and its secret that we often want to know more about in self-help books and articles is a waste of time for me. It’s just a small part of what deception looks like. You can choose to remain cloaked in your delusions about achieving happiness as one does nirvana. But happiness is not real enough to feel as if you deserve it. Being grateful, at peace, and honest are much more important in life. It isn’t a singular feeling which is what your individual self makes up as varied facets of happiness.

With that in mind, I learned to respond to happiness by being the better version of myself in negativity and positivity. I learned to focus and re-focus what it takes to know myself even though its trajectory afflicts me with feelings of loneliness. But I will not fall prey to separating my personal experience — breaking it apart — and labeling it as happiness. This does not mean I’m giving up on the good things in life. It just means I’m refraining to bridge experience to emotion because I’m so struck by the logic and uncertainty of it.

Loving Yourself Can Hurt Too

From a very young age, you have to realize you’re enough. Instead of letting go of your fears and your toxic thoughts, all at once, strive to be reflective to reason with those toxic thoughts and you’ll soon realize you’re being harsh and incongruous with yourself. Of all the people on the planet, you talk to yourself the most, so make sure you’re saying positive things to yourself.

Question yourself why you struggle to ache for other people’s acceptance. You’re chasing importance as much as you’re craving attention. Don’t do that. Accept, question, and let go of your thoughts and actions that you always find yourself stressing about later. They’re not worth being in you as much as you’re worth something beyond your own comprehension. You’re born out of the same circumstance as anyone who has ever let you down or hurt you and don’t let anyone tell or show you otherwise. It’s about time we realize our own depths and dive into them rather than question it, at every turn. And if it’s pain you crave for, if you want to destroy yourself and anything you touch, as humans do, begin with yourself. If you want to feel pain in love, try loving yourself first and see how that feels like. Because loving starts from within, and if you can love yourself, you can conquer and build anything.

You must realize you’re enough. You must love yourself to experience pain first because the first kind of pain you’d ever want to feel shouldn’t have to be out of a broken relationship. It shouldn’t arise from a loved one. Try loving yourself enough to want to make amends to be better and more grateful.

Who said loving has to only hurt when it’s loving another human being? To love, any kind of love that is, you can hurt yourself too. Trusting others might be difficult, but trusting yourself is no less. If you never loved the way you were, the way you looked, and the way you changed- it will hurt when you start to love yourself now. You’re looking for the perfect relationship with no trace of lies, anger, and suppression, but how would it feel if you love yourself so much that you can’t lie to yourself anymore. You can’t pretend to be somebody else for yourself because you are the way you are. Being you can hurt. It can make you cry. And it can make you feel things you hadn’t felt before. You can scare away your past or prepare for what’s to come while loving yourself and having that hurt you too.

Be the love you never received.

It’s the rush of mindfulness of being who you are and accepting. It’s the practice of letting go of guilt, letting go of fear, and just breathing for the moment. Loving you can take effort. It doesn’t happen in one thought. It takes many nights. But you do love yourself. You love yourself because you work for it and you work on yourself everyday. You don’t mind failing. You don’t push yourself away from you. You stand, you fight, and realize some of your strengths and weaknesses. That’s what makes you unique. That’s what makes you human.

Why do you have to love someone to feel hurt or beaten down by them? You can do that to yourself too. The question is, do you want to? Because only after you feel hurt and destroyed, do you feel the greatness of anything that is love, happiness, gratefulness, and faith.

Endure a life and a death

In the end, we all die. We die inevitably as equals without discrimination and power. We die for the life we lived, no matter the years we have lived for. Life is the filling of death and vice versa; it doesn’t exist so that the other is temporarily defeated in a way that we feel at ease when we don’t have to burden both of the realities, life and death, together, on our shoulders. Life is the ultimate definition of death and death is of life. Without a reality as fearsome and strong as death, life would have not been lived as it is now, by us! Without a reality as beautiful and simple as life, death would have not been the farewell of the end. So, as you see, we aren’t here to choose life or death each day; we aren’t here to decide our faith in both of them; and we aren’t here to plan our life or our death to live a monotonous human-life and to surrender foolishly to death. God has given us life and only God will give us death. The choice that is left with us is as simple as our creation- when life is given to us, we should accept it with gratitude and live wisely and whole-heartedly; and when death is before us, we should accept it with weightiness and happiness as that is why we have been created for. Life is made short by effort, so we should not be quick in our actions and responsibilities; and death is made painful by effort, so we should not fear oblivion. To endure the ability to accept what is before us is to endure a peaceful life and a peaceful death.

To endure a life and a death is simple yet extremely difficult. It requires knowledge and patience; knowledge that of a noble and wise soul, who understands people and their sentiments towards existence and duty; and the patience to believe in the gravity of that knowledge. Knowledge isn’t written in scripture; knowledge is as pure as driven snow, learnt only by those who possess the desire to not live in denial any-longer. We have lived to die and in the end, we die for the life we have lived. Without true knowledge, life and death would be frittered by us. And there will come a time when we will feel sheer guilt and regret for not understanding the purist purpose of our lives when knowledge was offered to us, as true knowledge is omnipresent. To endure wisdom is to endure a complete life and a complete death.

Beauty is misunderstood today. Beauty is not just physiognomy and demeanor; it is beyond the beauty of our minds, it’s the creation of our soul and how we, as individuals, have chosen to build it. Beauty is everywhere and those who perceive it, speculate on it and use it are one of humanity’s purist creations. Beauty is inevitable, it is a gift of mind, soul and body; we are products of this gift, so lucky to have been created to live out of this, in a world so chaotic and manifold, that we choose to be who we are everyday. This choice is ours and will be forever; as beauty was a gift to us, this choice is a gift for the world as we cater ourselves to it. So, as beauty is as delicate as a feather, we should design it with thought and sensibility. We shouldn’t let ourselves be taken advantage of this gift in a way that would misfortune the purity of our lives. We shouldn’t become an example of prejudice and hatred in our own eyes. We should live each day with patience, if not happiness; and gratitude, if no wealth. Always remember that beauty is not what others see in us, it is that vision we see in ourselves. To endure beauty in living is to endure a good life and a good death.