You Are Nothing Until You Begin Again

The discovery that wanting to write is not the same as being perceptive of words.

You should know that I fumbled for a good 10 minutes finding the right words to suit the idea of this article. It’s certainly not easy to write when you’re struggling with stress and anxiety. Navigating the world of well-deciphered sentences alongside the scare of being labeled uninspired is challenging. But in hindsight, this fear bodes well with the objective of wanting to write and participating in the spectacle of poetic grammar that I’m so passionately fond of.

I must have written less than 50 articles, for myself, in my 21 years of living. Maybe 20 or 30. Even though I write more than my fair share as a freelance content writer, I never once understood the urge to keep on writing, for myself, daily. When the words came to me, I set out to either type my thoughts down on a blank document staring right through my fears or handwrite a scribbled and haphazard draft in a notebook. Saying it wasn’t easy for me to do this daily might sound like I’m defeating the entire purpose of wanting to write in the first place. However, it wasn’t simple. At the time, when I just started writing for myself, I was torn between my ability to write and my ability to think clearly.

How the grief and frustration in my life taught me to stop and take a breather, it also hampered with my crispness in translation and focus in execution. On most days, it interrupted my reflective state, while on some days I felt well-absorbed in my frame of mind to compose. The constant struggle emptied out all my thoughtful thoughts and weakened my sense of perceptiveness, not in understanding, but for the translation of thoughts on paper or in print.

To write, to read, and to create is necessary. All else is distraction.

In the midst of struggling with such deep feelings and emotions, I rarely composed articles that met my expectations. And when I did write such a piece, I sighed in relief and was well-pleased with my efforts in doing so. But that rush of positivity lasted for a short time bringing back the guilt of an unfinished goal. Until weeks later I decided to pen down another. This cycle kept persevering for months on end, and a result I failed to write even a single article in 2017. That was the epitome of me “letting go.” Which, to my surprise, wasn’t how I anticipated it would be.

Such regrets can destroy your self-esteem in ways you wouldn’t imagine. If not controlled, they culminate in inhibitions that eventually start showing face in every aspect of your life only because they’re weakening your ability to write anything. As much as I expected myself to defeat these inhibitions, the solution was to eventually outrun them. And so I’m trying. Instead of spending a long time on the things that I thought really mattered to me, I vow to spend time on things that could. It’s a tough road, but a necessary one. By disconnecting and destroying my past practices, I’m redefining what creation is and meant for.

One of Graham Greene’s quotes come to mind,

“Destruction is a form of creation.”

If you’ve seen Donnie Darko, it’s hard to miss the moment when Donnie says this in a classroom full of young cynics.

My hope may not be to live a better life, but to value self-reflection and to unblur the blurred subject of mind expansion so it’s possible for an ordinary person like me to choose to create something out of the ordinary. I do hope, however, to understand the tricks to outrun restraint and beat the hollowness that comes with feeling inadequate at the recognition of words that have the power to compose the greatest stories. And this is the beginning of the stories I can give you. It is my beginning.

“You are nothing until you decide, over and over, that you must begin again.”

Am I The Rational Creative?

Can one mistake hinder all of your creative impulse and ambition? What kind of mistake would that be? Where does the power to recuperate its backlash come from?

These are the sort of questions most creatives are compelled to answer. Whether they work in creative agencies. Or even as freelance writers or freelance illustrators. We’re so comfortable to answer questions within our framework, we lose sight of the real trouble at hand.

What I’m talking about here is the value of ideas, in general. As a content writer, I often find myself inspiring action, but to what extent, I cannot comprehend. A mistake reveals my insecurities. My flight or fight response gets activated. Should I do another or make my current fault flawless? It’s a constant maze that makes me smile, cry, scream, and wonder.

“You must not let it hinder your creative flow”, my power of creativity tells me.

I’ve predetermined my powers on the basis of the kind of knowledge I acquire by reading and lots of reading. It’s not something I’m afraid to pursue, acquiring knowledge through articles and videos I mean. Especially when social interaction is one of the most effective and productive ways to increase knowledge. My story is a bit different.

The clear perspective of my life is my inevitable approach to redefining the subject of creativity. The power that unpredictably puzzles me into the fear of never moving forward. Remaining stagnant is never a good thing. And why shouldn’t it be?

Everywhere you look, the abstraction of objects, behavior, and experiences never remain as they were when they took form. Well, it’s simple to imply that the biggest mistake occurs when you stop at either nothing or everything. That means when you don’t learn at all. What’s next?

What we don’t say to each other is the inevitable experience of trying too hard. Trying too hard to stay informed, to remain fresh with ideas, and to be unpredictable. Our behavior takes form of that functional and, sometimes, too overwhelming brain we carry around. It’s not easy. But it doesn’t feel so difficult either.

That’s to say that nothing really kills creativity apart from the fundamental hypothesis of substance abuse, idleness, and lack of information flow in our heads. If we don’t read, we listen to music, if we don’t do that, we have something that we constantly feed our brains with to remain creative. Never let that creative juice stop. It’s a firm decree.

So, am I the rational creative?

The work we do is intended to strike a response. Any handy piece of advice is considered wisdom or crap. There’s no telling of success or failure because both are building blocks. A temporary state of inspiration is often filled with new ideas and conversations, but how?

The concept of delivering more when it’s demanded is simple. But in that process, we’re losing our social production quality of life. That means, content is becoming more ambiguous and those on the other side of the screen, the ones reading that content and inspiring action like it’s a never-ending spectrum, are contradicting.

It’s bewildering who’s the creator and who’s the consumer. Are you both? Of course, you are. But when are you taking the form of one while trampling on the other?

5 Ways Writers Choose To Stress Themselves Out

You’d think that I’m for misery and pain. I’m not here to express sympathy to myself and other writers for feeling this way. In fact, I’m agitated that we do this to ourselves every minute of our lives, for as long as we function as word stitchers. The feeling of angst isn’t enough that we make ourselves, intentionally, take a bite of the poisonous apple when we know it’s bound to kill us all.

The known perception of a writer is tied up to terms like pain, torment, madness, and sometimes even obsessiveness. Why? Why does the artist have to always be the tortured artist in order to write? It’s time I brought to light the 5 trivial ways writers stress themselves out. If I had the solution, that would be my opening line, but unfortunately, I don’t. As a writer, these are my personal possessions that I will carry with me forever.

Some may have an obvious solution, in reality, all do but as writers, you’d expect us to follow them, right? Wrong! We don’t. We add finishing touches to our misery and here are the 5 ways we do them.


Setting Way Too Many Unrealistic Goals

It’s almost as if we don’t want to achieve them, from the very beginning.

Working With Too Many Ideas At Once

So many ideas, so little time.

Overthinking New Ideas Until They’re Completely Beat

“I’m rethinking what I thought about the idea I thought about last night.”

Measuring Amount Of Work Done To Self-Worth

We can’t accept the possibility of a “tomorrow”. If nothing happens today, it never will.

Creating Ill-Timed And Lopsided Writing Conditions

Pieces by pieces, we write. Brainstorming on our way to work in the morning and writing a new piece while lunching.

How many of these do you resonate with? And what do you do to take your mind off of it?

Being a writer doesn’t have to be a painful thing, not most of the time anyway. Let’s put a final end to this misery and practice what we chose to preach. Something being hard is as important as it being easy, we just have to learn to deal with it. If we keep ourselves bogged down with such boondoggle, we won’t ever improve as writers. Even though these thoughts will always remain with me, I write, read, and converse with the universe persistently, to get a productive day out. Nothing is worse than not dealing with the stress you’ve caused for yourself. And despite all my efforts, I’ll always be a victim to these self-made thoughts, but I strive to improve my writing by learning something about something, forever. 


To A Reader, Nothing Is Little

Taken from Sherlock Holmes, A Study in Scarlet, “To a great mind, nothing is little.”

Reading a book in today’s world has given us the freedom to explore and embrace new topics, ideas, and material that appeal to us almost immediately. Even though we don’t know where the story is going, we want to read and read intently, only to read more later. If you think you know everything there is to know about the skills of reading fervently, you’re absolutely wrong. But that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the interest capacity of a reader when she really wants to grasp knowledge and become great.

Gone are the days when I used to read the first page or the summary of any book as a starting point to be interested. That’s exactly what I did before. I always, as an opener, used to read the short summary at the end of every book to know if it peaks my interests or not. And if it didn’t, I wouldn’t read it. In the act of doing that all the time, I completely disrespected the meaning of reading books. I overshadowed the importance of going with the flow and gave in to being selective and biased to books that were popular and shared common ground with the way I thought.

“If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.”

It was time that I decided to transform my methods of reading and my interest capacity in different genres of books. It was time I thought for myself and the only way I could do that is by reading all kinds of books. You must think that I actualized this method of reading years back, but it is during this time that I decided to write an article about it. Currently, I’m reading a book that I hadn’t heard of before; I avoided the summary of the book before deciding to read it, and to my surprise, as it happens that this book still remains as a bestseller.

In the act of reading Shantaram, my state of mind and ambience has changed incredibly. I am motivated to read more, grasp more, and feel more of my sensibility and intelligence. In an honest manner, I feel myself getting stronger and more compassionate in everything I do.

This change isn’t just because the book’s plot is awe-inspiring and heartbreaking, it is also because I read, unknowingly, the general idea or the conclusive meaning of the book. As long as I didn’t know what was going to happen next, I didn’t expect anything from the book. And that kind of dedication to reading is something that I learned to implement in my life.

So now, nothing is too little to read. I yearn to read everything persistently and for always. I no longer search for meaning, I give life to my own meaning, each as different as the last book I’ve read; because to a reader, nothing is too little to understand and everything is unexceptionable to get wise to.


The Creative Genius

The Creative Genius- Taken by Ayesha

The Rebel’s Manifesto says that one should do the opposite of what one is taught in school. So it also says that one should simply make a mess.

This is me gracefully spawning what I think, believe and act on daily to enhance the creative genius of the world. This isn’t the creative genius that will get you money. This isn’t the creative genius that you want to become in your twenty-something or thirty-something. And this isn’t the creative genius that you read about in an extensive book.
In the astronomical sense of existence, each mind is neither too young nor too old to be labeled explicitly that. Enhancing the creative genius of the world means revealing that what is already stocked in our minds. Enhancing the creative genius is saying what needs to be said, felt what needs to be felt, and finally, having to deal with it as the ultimate tyrannies one swallows daily as an attempt to make it on our own, and not to sicken our sorrows in still silence.

In light of enhancing the creative genius of the world, I’ve dictated a poem.

. . .

They say I’m young
but I’m not the only one.

They say I’m different
but they know that’s not how it’s done.

Creativity is a cloud
and we’ve got each one
don’t stare too hard
but jump to another.

The truth is we’re grounded
but living a transparent lie
it doesn’t matter if
they say you’re creative
or they say you’re fly
don’t buy in that.
Because creative geniuses don’t forget
what matters in this world
and what’s left to rest.

This isn’t life
this isn’t forgiveness
you’re tapping away
while your mind is bleeding
store your ideas
store your fate
because once they’re gone
you will come again
but not the same.

Creativity is all you got
don’t disgrace
don’t discredit
whatever you think
whatever you’ve felt
don’t worry
just make a mess
creativity has no label
it doesn’t fall in line
because your mind, you rules, your innate identity
what have they got to do with your time?