The Moments When You Will Find Yourself

It won’t matter if you do something admirable when you don’t do something that’s unequal to it. The problem with most of you is that you fail to think twice before finding yourself at such turns; instead, you’ll think to find yourself in something that you love doing, something that you’re passionate about, all the time. But guess what? That’s not when you find yourself…your true self anyway.

Something great happening in your life isn’t 100% positive and neither is it 100% negative. As humans susceptible to progress and flaw, we’re constantly labeling and controlling what we feel against that what we truly want to feel. We’re in a preparation of our own life’s recipe with just the right amount of talent, with a pinch of selfishness and 2 tablespoons of honesty stirred in one big pan of reality. How fortunate are you calling yourself to exist at all when you’re setting yourself up for a fate that denies imperfection and believes in the realness of faultlessness? Along the journey of understanding that perfection helps you draw a boundary between what’s the idea of perfection for you and what’s actually real comes after you’ve gone to the depths of your own mess and success.

It is in the complicated yet transparent moments of imperfection that promises a life filled with many experiences, opportunities, dreams, and awakenings. What’s the worst part of letting your soul surrender to the idea of perfection? It’s the scarcity of pages in a book that’s infinite. It’s that one page in a book that lines your life perfectly from birth to death, setting goals, listing duties and spelling out achievements like you’re meant to fulfill just that which is provided to you, and not created by you. Anything related to your life that can be simply measured is perfection. Perfection is dull and it is everywhere which is why you need to stop chasing it. Perfection doesn’t take you anywhere, in fact, it gets you material wealth and limited mental happiness that will someday fade away until you’re left breathless and numb. That’s when you’ll find yourself. Perfection looks like a door, but it’s the tiny lock that’s strangling the many doors you’re destined to walk past. Perfection is controlling bits of your life that isn’t controlling anything; instead, it’s limiting your emotions, your thoughts, dreams and your love for life. Perfection is the loss of love and appreciation.

How did I find myself? When did I stop and realize that stopping isn’t so bad after all? When did I change? How did I change? Nobody told me that I’d keep finding myself during my darkest moments, nobody told me that I’d rely not on happiness, but on fulfillment, and nobody ever told me that material wealth is going to be important, but it won’t be the only thing in my life that matters in life.

“There is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”

Leonard Cohen 

As an imperfect human with a mind that works in the moment of many experiences, I will tell you when you will truly find yourself if you, during those moments only, forget what you’ve been taught about life, what you’ve been told you should be feeling or doing or achieving. If you begin to find yourself by keeping certain disciplines about life in mind, you won’t find yourself completely. You have to start from scratch, start in pitch dark and work your way towards the light, heck, create that light for yourself out of thin air and vision. It’s not literal, but it’s discoverable in mind, it’s imaginable in reality and it’s achievable in dreams.

  1. You will find yourself when you’re sitting alone in a room with dim lights, dreaming about experiences that you want to happen in your life with people who you’ve met in reality or made up in mind.
  2. You will find yourself when certain things that you thought weren’t important aren’t working like they used to. We take advantage of that what we already have as mundane and unimportant and once that thing is taken away from us, we’re left completely empty and numb from inside.
  3. You will find yourself when you discover a greater force than humanity, knowledge created by the human race over years and years of experiences and study.
  4. You will find yourself when you practice the art of silence when you don’t have anything to do with your time or say anything to others. That’s when you’re truly comfortable with you who are. That’s when you will understand that silence isn’t awkward, it’s an experience.
  5. You will find yourself when you cry from inside and you think you’re pushing away the pain and the suffering, but the truth is you’re pushing yourself away from you.
  6. You will find yourself when you love deeply after a heartbreak.
  7. You will find yourself when you stop controlling your day like it’s a calendar. Not everything needs to be planned, learn to let things go, sometimes.
  8. You will find yourself when you feel the pain again and again from different experiences and from different heartbreaks.
  9. You will find yourself when you aren’t heartbroken because of love, but you’re mind-broken because of struggle.
  10. You will find yourself when you deal with difficult people around you because then you learn how not to be and how to be. That’s when you understand how others would feel if you behaved the exact same way as others do.
  11. You will find yourself when you struggle day after day to look at things differently like it’s for the first time.
  12. You will find yourself when you meet someone completely different, sit with them and talk them about life, love, happiness, family, heartbreak, and suffering.
  13. You will find yourself when you begin walking on a different route, only to realize that if that route is meant for you or not.
  14. You will find yourself when you stop chasing that what’s perfect. Instead, you look at what’s real.
  15. You will find yourself when what you’re feeling has made you blind, it has consumed your mind, soul and body inevitably, and only in jolt awakening through realization or an external force you understand that if you love yourself as hard as you had loved that person or thing, you’d never be consumed by anything but yourself again.
  16. You will find yourself when you stop assuming the worse and struggling to keep up the best. Instead, you prepare for the worse as well as the best because that takes effort too.
  17. You will find yourself when you stop deriving a feeling from external experiences and things all at once.
  18. You will find yourself when you appreciate your mind by gaining meaningful knowledge and appreciate your body by exercising regularly and eating right most times.
  19. You will find yourself when you’re alone for a long time with the company of books, music, a good movie and good food.
  20. You will find yourself when you’re going to new places, even if it’s across the street to get a new perspective on the resources available to you.
  21. You will find yourself when you stop and enjoy the journey, rather than just the destination.
  22. You will find yourself in a bad book and a good one. Same goes with any movie, song or quote.
  23. You will find yourself when you read quotes that don’t necessarily resonate with who you are and what you do every day.
  24. You will find yourself when you learn a passage that’s complicated, twisty and even unsatisfying.
  25. You will find yourself when you learn something new every day.
  26. You will find yourself when you’re away from the blanket of social conversations and friends.
  27. You will find yourself when you’re spending time with yourself over a good book or doing nothing at all during some weekends.
  28. You will find yourself when you say no when you truly want to.
  29. You will find yourself when you say yes to things that scare you or make your nervous.
  30. You will find yourself when you embark on new experiences.
  31. You will find yourself when you’re honest to people about how you feel about them.
  32. You will find yourself in the kind of thoughts you get and the things you think of when you’re naked in the shower.
  33. You will find yourself when you fail at something you love, miserably, and do it again tomorrow.
  34. You will find yourself when you break the societal rules about love, passion, work, and life in reality.
  35. You will find yourself when you close the textbook and open the mind.
  36. You will find yourself when you do something that you are capable of loving and hating in moments.
  37. You will find yourself when you fail and understand that failing at something isn’t a death sentence, but your life’s reaction to nature and reality.

Of course, these are just a few of the many more moments when you can find yourself. All moments are created, so keep creating more and keep finding yourself with no definite destination.